Tag Archive: the ex

New Clear Daze

So, this is what today is all about:

sweet, happy, fairy bed. ❤



In other words – today hasn’t been much about anything. But these pretty lights make me happy, so I’ll make the day about them.

Did I mention the lights?

Also, Cole and I made Beignets today. They were super yummy, and so fun and easy to make I decided I’m going to have a mimosa and beignet brunch next week.

beignets and coffee with whipped cream

There’s lots going on here. Birdy is going to be starting school this year. Public school. In 7th grade. I am at odds with that decision philosophically, but it’s one of those times in life when I had to make a choice based on nothing but bad options. My job now is to prepare him the best I can for that transition and be here to support him as he goes through it. I’m certain…beyond certain…that he is a wonderful, brilliant, charming boy who will adapt wonderfully and have tons of friends. And I know he has a good sense of who he is. He’s a strong little fart, in spite of his occasional bouts of insecurity. ❤

So, we’re preparing for that. In a variety of ways.

Buddha the Grouch, on the other hand, is getting ready for his own leap into more formally-structured schooling by enrolling in the Early College High School program at ACC.

I don’t want to talk too much about them, because they are getting older and they have their own lives, and they don’t need their mama blogging about them out in public, but I’m proud of both of those guys. They each have unique challenges and strengths, and it’s delightful to watch them both become the people they will be. Gradually and non-linearly. Being a mom is really fucking difficult, yes. But it’s hella rewarding to get to see personalities forming right before your very eyes – even when those personalities seem to conflict with each other’s and mine to a frustrating degree…hahaha.

As for me…my work week starts in the morning. 3 days on. 1 day off. 1 day on. 2 days off. It’s not a bad schedule at all. Totally bearable. I kind of hate that I’m growing to really enjoy this job, because I think I still have residual shellshock from how abruptly I was vacated from my last job (and, yet, when I look back at my last job, I realize I had not been happy there for YEARS…so it was actually a relief to be let go, even though it seemed like a terrible tragedy at the time.) It’s like a bad breakup that makes you feel insecure right on into the next relationship, even though the previous relationship wasn’t all that great in the first place and the breakup was probably long overdue.

I’m really fucking awesome at romanticizing something while it’s going on. Just being ok with it, because security. Even when it becomes practically unbearable and what sense security when you’re not safe where you are?

How is it possible that I am also a pro at romanticizing after the fact something that was totally shitty for the duration. WTF, me? Can you please maintain a level of consistency in your ability to turn shit into shinola?

But, whatever. As one of my favorite mentors once told me “Worry is negative goal setting.”

I’m just going to lay back and stare at little colored lights until they blur and fade to black.

Words that only come to me in disconnected ramblings. I have several articles bookmarked and random bits of essays written, but I haven’t had a chance to pull it all together. Or, more like, I haven’t been inspired to do so. Actually, more like it’s still brewing up there, and I am writing it in conversations I have throughout the days and I’m just waiting to be able to sit down and have it write itself.

Suffice to say, it has to do with the value of poetry and paintings. And how those things are devalued. And, you know how it goes…when you are suffering from writer’s malaise, everything has already been written, so what’s the point in rewriting it in inferior language. Just listen to The Ex song posted above…you’ll get the drift.

Or read this interview with Noam Chomsky:

Anarchism is quite different from that.  It calls for an elimination to tyranny, all kinds of tyranny.  Including the kind of tyranny that’s internal to private power concentrations.  So why should we prefer it?  Well I think because freedom is better than subordination.  It’s better to be free than to be a slave.  Its’ better to be able to make your own decisions than to have someone else make decisions and force you to observe them.  I mean, I don’t think you really need an argument for that.  It seems like … transparent. The thing you need an argument for, and should give an argument for, is, How can we best proceed in that direction?  And there are lots of ways within the current society.  One way, incidentally,  is through use of the state, to the extent that it is democratically controlled.  I mean in the long run, anarchists would like to see the state eliminated.  But it exists, alongside of private power, and the state is, at least to a certain extent, under public influence and control — could be much more so.  And it provides devices to constrain the much more dangerous forces of private power.  Rules for safety and health in the workplace for example.  Or insuring  that people have decent health care, let’s say.  Many other things like that.  They’re not going to come about through private power.

That’s about where my head is at right now.