So, this is what today is all about:

sweet, happy, fairy bed. ❤

 

*bliss*

In other words – today hasn’t been much about anything. But these pretty lights make me happy, so I’ll make the day about them.

Did I mention the lights?

Also, Cole and I made Beignets today. They were super yummy, and so fun and easy to make I decided I’m going to have a mimosa and beignet brunch next week.

beignets and coffee with whipped cream

There’s lots going on here. Birdy is going to be starting school this year. Public school. In 7th grade. I am at odds with that decision philosophically, but it’s one of those times in life when I had to make a choice based on nothing but bad options. My job now is to prepare him the best I can for that transition and be here to support him as he goes through it. I’m certain…beyond certain…that he is a wonderful, brilliant, charming boy who will adapt wonderfully and have tons of friends. And I know he has a good sense of who he is. He’s a strong little fart, in spite of his occasional bouts of insecurity. ❤

So, we’re preparing for that. In a variety of ways.

Buddha the Grouch, on the other hand, is getting ready for his own leap into more formally-structured schooling by enrolling in the Early College High School program at ACC.

I don’t want to talk too much about them, because they are getting older and they have their own lives, and they don’t need their mama blogging about them out in public, but I’m proud of both of those guys. They each have unique challenges and strengths, and it’s delightful to watch them both become the people they will be. Gradually and non-linearly. Being a mom is really fucking difficult, yes. But it’s hella rewarding to get to see personalities forming right before your very eyes – even when those personalities seem to conflict with each other’s and mine to a frustrating degree…hahaha.

As for me…my work week starts in the morning. 3 days on. 1 day off. 1 day on. 2 days off. It’s not a bad schedule at all. Totally bearable. I kind of hate that I’m growing to really enjoy this job, because I think I still have residual shellshock from how abruptly I was vacated from my last job (and, yet, when I look back at my last job, I realize I had not been happy there for YEARS…so it was actually a relief to be let go, even though it seemed like a terrible tragedy at the time.) It’s like a bad breakup that makes you feel insecure right on into the next relationship, even though the previous relationship wasn’t all that great in the first place and the breakup was probably long overdue.

I’m really fucking awesome at romanticizing something while it’s going on. Just being ok with it, because security. Even when it becomes practically unbearable and what sense security when you’re not safe where you are?

How is it possible that I am also a pro at romanticizing after the fact something that was totally shitty for the duration. WTF, me? Can you please maintain a level of consistency in your ability to turn shit into shinola?

But, whatever. As one of my favorite mentors once told me “Worry is negative goal setting.”

I’m just going to lay back and stare at little colored lights until they blur and fade to black.

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